As many of you know, I've been struggling with my health for a long time now. Since October I've been having unexplainable problems. Not only has it been incredibly frustrating not knowing what's going on, but the anxiety I have felt is tremendous. It's made me look at my life in such a different light. The hardest part about not knowing what is going on with your body, is when people think you're "pretending" or "faking" being sick. Yes, I have been accused of this by many people, including a former friend. The truth is, I'm at least one step closer to finding out what's wrong with me.
It all started back in October. It was Friday before Halloween. I was at work and I had this strange sensation..of just not feeling right. I cannot describe it, but it didn't feel normal. I was so flustered that I had one of the nurses take my blood pressure. It was VERY high for me.. 156/94. Mind you, my BP is usually around 110/70 or in that range. My boss told me to go to the doctor. I felt like I was going to pass out so I went to the Emergency Room instead. My BP was 158/101 when I arrived. They did an EKG and blood work and told me I was fine and was probably having anxiety. They let me go when my BP came down to around 135/80. I felt relieved and thought I just had some sort of panic attack.
The next morning I started feeling funny again and this time I had a new sensation. The left side of my body was warm, tingly, and felt numb. I was so scared! I was convinced I was having a stroke! Lee took me back to the emergency room where they did all sorts of tests , including a CT to make sure I didn't have a stroke. Everything was fine. Another symptom I had that same day was INCREDIBLE pain in my stomach. It felt like something was inside my stomach, clawing to come out. It was so painful. They gave me a GI cocktail in the ER, which didn't really help, although the pain did eventually go away after a couple of days.
Within the next few weeks I continued to have the strange numbness and tingling and warmth in different parts of my body. I also started to develop pains throughout my body. I would have severe pain in different areas of my arms and legs. It was so painful. My doctor started me on Naproxen because she thought I had tendonitis. I remember going home for Thanksgiving. I was really excited to see family and friends. The first day or two, I was fine but the third day, the stomach pain that I had with my second trip to the ER hit me again. I also had pain all up and down my left arm. One might think that I was having a heart attack, but I was assured by my doctors that I was far too young and that this was not cardiac related. That day was by far the worst one I'd had yet. I cried myself to sleep that night. I lost my appetite for about 3 weeks when all this was happening. I lost 22 pounds, although quickly gained it back when my appetite came back to haunt me!
Over the next few weeks I had several more tests. I had blood work, an EMG..(a test where the send shocks of electricity through your body and insert needles into your muscles and make you flex..that was not too much fun) I also spent almost 3 hours in an MRI machine while my fiance attended his company Christmas party. Honestly the time period between October and December was the loneliest time in my life. It was frustrating for me, not knowing what was going on. It was frustrating not having my family here to support me or my closest friends. It was tough knowing that my best friend didn't even believe I was really sick and made me out to be a horrible person. Those two months completely consumed me of all happiness..I couldn't even enjoy the holiday season. I almost didn't even decorate for Christmas because I was so exhausted and felt so bad and so empty. We did decorate a few days before Christmas and it lightened my mood a bit, but it just wasn't the same. I also saw a neurologist in December. I was being tested for different auto-immune disorders, MS was high on the list. I had all the symptoms for that. Lyme disease was up there too. I was so depressed. I felt like this year is supposed to be one of the happiest of my life! I was looking forward to planning my wedding with my best friend and enjoying this time..and all of that fell apart. Instead I was constantly going to Doctors appointments, emergency rooms, and specialist clinics.
The neurologist confirmed that I may or may not have fibromyalgia. A lot of people dont see it as a legitimate disease. I don't really know what to believe. Sometimes I think, well, I guess this is due to my fibromyalgia. And sometimes I think, what if the doctors are telling me its fibromyalgia just because they've given up trying to figure out what is wrong, and really there is an underlying condition to the things I am feeling. Muscle and nerve pain, skin sensitvity, what If I had a brain tumor and they stopped doing tests because everything was coming back normal? You can only imagine the kind of anxiety you feel when you don't know what's wrong. It makes you question every little pain, every muscle spasm, every itch. Its awful. It pretty much takes over your life. I know what many of you are thinking. Maybe she needs to see a psychologist. I actually do plan on seeing someone in the near future for my anxiety. I realize that this problem has taken a predominant place in my life and it needs to take a backseat to the things that are more important, such as family, friends, WEDDING!
For a few months, my symptoms started to come and go and weren't as severe. In April of 2010 , my birthday weekend, I was plagued again with yet another daunting symptom. I started having pains in the lower part of my chest and upper part of my stomach and the most incredible pressure I have ever felt. I thought for sure I had something wrong with my gallbladder. My primary care physician was out of town for a week so I went to the Emergency room that Thursday night before my birthday and Easter. Lee and I were supposed to be traveling out of town to see family and I wanted to go before that. After several hours alone in the emergency room, I had an Ultrasound of my gallbladder. It came back normal. I HATE being in the hospital by myself. Its scary. It makes me wish my family and friends were here. I was put on medication for gastritis and told it would be cleared up in a few weeks. Cleared up, it did not. I went back to my primary care physician where I was put on ANOTHER medication as well as the first and was told to take both. Still, nothing was helping. It was then that I was referred to a Gastroenterologist and told that I would be having an EGD. I was dreading that, because of my history of nursing school, I knew that was the next step. For those of you who don't know, and EGD is where they stick and tube with a camera down your throat to look at your esophagus, stomach, and the first part of your small intestine! I was TERRIFIED of this test. I mean, I gag just brushing my teeth.
After two months of stomach problems, along with the regular pains that I'm used to having by now, I finally had my test on June 11th, 2010. I had been dreading it for several weeks, but I new I had to have the test done to feel better. The problem was scheduling. Lee had a huge project going out that day, and didn't think he could get off work. Fortunately, I have a couple of good friends down here that offered to help. My friend Seth offered to take me to the procedure and drive me home and make sure I was ok before he left me. You are heavily sedated to you need to have transportation for the test. I'm so happy to have Seth and Julie down here..I don't know what I would do without them. As it turned out Lee did manage to get that day off and he took me to the test.
When they called me back I didn't know what to expect. They made me change into a gown and laid me in a bed. They kept a constant monitor on my BP and gave me an IV. Then, they wheeled me into the procedure room where I met my doctor. Dr Stockwell was amazing. He was so kind, and his smile was very comforting. He explained everything to me regarding the test and a felt a little more at ease, although still scared. First they sprayed this stuff down my throat. 3 giant sprays. It supposed to numb your throat I guess, but it feels like your throat is closing up. I didn't like it. Then, they gave me an oxygen mask. After that, they wrapped this thing around my neck and inserted it into my mouth. It had a hole in it to insert the tube and keep my mouth open. Then the nurse, George ( who was also awesome) inserted some meds into my IV. I watched him put to medications in there and I closed my eyes to relax. When I woke up, I was back in the first room with Lee. I don't remember anything after the medicine, although Lee said I did describe it when I first came out, but then I forgot everything. When I first came back into the room Lee apparently asked me how I felt. And I told him I felt violated. I don't remember any of that, but the doctor heard me say it. Apparently I also asked for the street name of the drugs I was given...lol like I was a junkie or something. I guess the poor doctor was used to people saying stupid things.
The doctor gave me some pictures of the inside of my stomach and told me that I had severe GERD (reflux) and a small hiatal hernia. The relief was tremendous! I am going to be ok. I don't have stomach cancer, I don't have an ucler. I will be ok! I'm relieved knowing that I'm semi-normal again. I don't think my "fibro" symptoms will ever go away but I'm learning to live with them. I will probably have to be on medication for my stomach for the rest of my life, but I'm ok with that too. This last year has been very hard with everything that's going on. The move, the wedding, me being sick, my mom being diagnosed with cancer, a new stressful job...everything has put a strain on me and my relationships with everyone including myself. I want to thank all of the ones who HAVE been supportive through all of this. True family and true friends. I am very grateful!
Me and Lisa...LOVE her :)
Just because they're the cutest and we love them :)
